I had an incredibly blessed Sunday!
I work for a large non denominational church, and we were having Baptism services at all three services this weekend. As some of you may know, I think I have spoken about it, my Brother In Law (BIL) is in a nursing home near to my home. It is a very sad and pathetic case, his wife abandoned him at the hospital after he suffered a third stroke. She had quit caring for him, stopped buying his medicine and was not providing nutritious food for him. It was terrible and awful, and all I could do was offer to find a nursing home out by us (he lived over an hour from us) where we could at least pick him up to see his mom, and I could take him to church every week. He is only 53...
Anyway, I asked BIL if he wanted baptized and he said YES! He could not be fully immersed as the others were, but baptism is a heart issue, not whether you were able to go underwater. It was pretty amazing, he hugged the pastor ( he is paralyzed on one side, and cannot speak well) as he sat down in the wheel chair he said AWESOME! The whole church started clapping for him. It was a humbling moment, his life is so small, and the relationship he has with the Lord has grown amazingly, to him this was AWESOME!
The other very cool thing that happened was that my Pastor preached on Acts and explained baptism to the whole congregation, and opened the baptism up to anyone who had accepted Christ. The church provided clothes, makeup for the ladies, underwear, anything that was needed so the person could be baptized if they wanted to.
Well over two HUNDRED people in three services came forward to be baptized~! We had over three hundred people baptized this weekend. And for every single person to be baptized the whole church cheered. It was heartwarming and humbling watching all these people profess their faith like this.
Some days, because I work for a church, I forget to be at church, if you understand? I have to make sure that I still come to worship and to listen to the Word.
Yesterday, I was at church, I was humbled and moved to tears at the amazing thing I was witnessing. It was a really wonderful service.....
And then to top the day off, I had the whole family for Sunday dinner, I try so hard to do this as much as possible, I want my grand babies to grow up going to Gamma's for dinner on Sunday....And nothing tops off a day like happy hugs from my sweet grands!
I also am finally able to put my tomato and pepper starts outside some to start hardening off some. I think I thought I had more room than I really do, boy or boy do I have the tomatoes!!
I hope that your weekend was wonderful, and that this week brings you all joy~
Peace and Blessings!
LTW
Monday, April 20, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
My mother in law, pain, and dealing with the government.
I am so upset.
My mother in law lives with us, and has for 13 years. I will be the first to say this has not been easy, not so much because of her, but the crap I have to deal with from his family.
No, it has been hard to loose our privacy, I have to be honest. I sometimes think it lead to Handsome running away and having his affair. I have to be honest, sometimes I have felt like running away from all of the responsibility.
Not today though. My MIL is 87, has chronic diseases, too many to list. The fact of the matter, they told me when she came to us that she would not last a year. 13 years ago. Somehow we have managed all her problems to at least keep her happy and out of a nursing home. As she has aged and gotten worse we enrolled her in a State program ( she is destitute, which is why she came to us), that is designed to keep people out of the nursing home, and help the family that is caring for the elder person. I was having a terrible time keeping up with her appointments and my full time work. Something was going to have to give, and I was afraid she was going to end up in a nursing home after all. That is when we enrolled her, the caveat being, she had to be treated by their Dr,s in their center's. She goes to the center twice a week for social interaction and therapy, and if she needs to see the dr or nurse, she can on those days. It has been a big help. Until now. And I don't know what to do.
She is in pain, terrible awful pain. Pain that they are having a hard time "pinning down" because she is hard to talk to. It is much too long of a story, but because of her LIFE until she came to us, she HAD to be compliant, so she answers any question with what she thinks you want to hear. It is hard, very hard if you do not know her.
Yesterday I could not take it, I called them and insisted they see her that day, I would leave work and take her. She is loosing weight rapidly, and looking awful. She cannot sit from the pain, she cannot stand. Now I understand that her health is frail. I understand that you cannot give her huge pain medicine BUT they are not giving her any pain relief. They have diagnosed sciatica on both sides, which I don't believe is the cause, it is very rare to have on both sides. I would like a colonoscopy, she has blood in her stool. She is on 200 mg a day of gabapentin for pain, and that dose my friends is lower than the dose I am giving my 50 pound elderly DOG, plus the dog gets an anti inflammatory AND tramadol. I asked the Dr Please cant you give her something for the pain, I hate seeing her at home in so much pain. I said to the Dr ( an Indian Dr) that we are treating my dog better that we are treating MIL . The Dr said to me well she is not a dog. I told the Dr, I realize that but I am saying we are treating a DOG BETTER! She said I do not want to give her medicine and one night she does not wake up. At this point I was MAD. I said listen she IS going to die one night, she is dying right now. She is old, has many chronic diseases and is going to DIE.
Why cannot they give her a Tylenol with codeine? ANYTHING, Because friends, you have to increase the medicine this way, that is the way we have to do it.
Ah ha!
We are not treating a patient, we are going by the book that the government has laid out for treatment.
Take step x, then y. Do not look at the patient as an individual, this is the way the book says do it. So I took the medicine, knowing that they are not giving her even the amount my DOG is getting and said, so when will this work, by when should she feel better. They said today, in one day.
Well I woke up and was getting ready for work, MIL came out hunched over and shaking from pain. I asked how her night was, she slept a little better, but she cannot stand or sit, and was hunched over and miserable.
I told her to call the center, that they misinterpret me and think I am trying to put my MIL down?!
I told her you call them, tell them you are still in pain, I will call from work and see how you are doing.
Folks, if she has cancer and was in hospice they would make her comfortable. What is any different about the end of our life then. She goes nowhere, she lives in our house, and loves on the dogs, and loves watching old movies. We know she is in the process of leaving this earth, just like we ALL are. But she is closer than others. Why then can we not make her comfortable? Why can we not say, ok, so her life is small, and right now , she is being watched over by family, lets at least make her comfortable!
Ug, I am just rambling on now, but it is frustrating and hard to see someone in that kind of pain not being heard.
I pray so much that 2016 brings some changes to Obama Care, it has so screwed up our health care system. We are no longer people, but a product, a thing to be treated according to their check list, and because she is in this program, she agrees to having to have their Drs treat her. Maybe I made a mistake?
Say a short prayer for her pain to ease if you are a praying sort?
Peace and Blessings
LTW
My mother in law lives with us, and has for 13 years. I will be the first to say this has not been easy, not so much because of her, but the crap I have to deal with from his family.
No, it has been hard to loose our privacy, I have to be honest. I sometimes think it lead to Handsome running away and having his affair. I have to be honest, sometimes I have felt like running away from all of the responsibility.
Not today though. My MIL is 87, has chronic diseases, too many to list. The fact of the matter, they told me when she came to us that she would not last a year. 13 years ago. Somehow we have managed all her problems to at least keep her happy and out of a nursing home. As she has aged and gotten worse we enrolled her in a State program ( she is destitute, which is why she came to us), that is designed to keep people out of the nursing home, and help the family that is caring for the elder person. I was having a terrible time keeping up with her appointments and my full time work. Something was going to have to give, and I was afraid she was going to end up in a nursing home after all. That is when we enrolled her, the caveat being, she had to be treated by their Dr,s in their center's. She goes to the center twice a week for social interaction and therapy, and if she needs to see the dr or nurse, she can on those days. It has been a big help. Until now. And I don't know what to do.
She is in pain, terrible awful pain. Pain that they are having a hard time "pinning down" because she is hard to talk to. It is much too long of a story, but because of her LIFE until she came to us, she HAD to be compliant, so she answers any question with what she thinks you want to hear. It is hard, very hard if you do not know her.
Yesterday I could not take it, I called them and insisted they see her that day, I would leave work and take her. She is loosing weight rapidly, and looking awful. She cannot sit from the pain, she cannot stand. Now I understand that her health is frail. I understand that you cannot give her huge pain medicine BUT they are not giving her any pain relief. They have diagnosed sciatica on both sides, which I don't believe is the cause, it is very rare to have on both sides. I would like a colonoscopy, she has blood in her stool. She is on 200 mg a day of gabapentin for pain, and that dose my friends is lower than the dose I am giving my 50 pound elderly DOG, plus the dog gets an anti inflammatory AND tramadol. I asked the Dr Please cant you give her something for the pain, I hate seeing her at home in so much pain. I said to the Dr ( an Indian Dr) that we are treating my dog better that we are treating MIL . The Dr said to me well she is not a dog. I told the Dr, I realize that but I am saying we are treating a DOG BETTER! She said I do not want to give her medicine and one night she does not wake up. At this point I was MAD. I said listen she IS going to die one night, she is dying right now. She is old, has many chronic diseases and is going to DIE.
Why cannot they give her a Tylenol with codeine? ANYTHING, Because friends, you have to increase the medicine this way, that is the way we have to do it.
Ah ha!
We are not treating a patient, we are going by the book that the government has laid out for treatment.
Take step x, then y. Do not look at the patient as an individual, this is the way the book says do it. So I took the medicine, knowing that they are not giving her even the amount my DOG is getting and said, so when will this work, by when should she feel better. They said today, in one day.
Well I woke up and was getting ready for work, MIL came out hunched over and shaking from pain. I asked how her night was, she slept a little better, but she cannot stand or sit, and was hunched over and miserable.
I told her to call the center, that they misinterpret me and think I am trying to put my MIL down?!
I told her you call them, tell them you are still in pain, I will call from work and see how you are doing.
Folks, if she has cancer and was in hospice they would make her comfortable. What is any different about the end of our life then. She goes nowhere, she lives in our house, and loves on the dogs, and loves watching old movies. We know she is in the process of leaving this earth, just like we ALL are. But she is closer than others. Why then can we not make her comfortable? Why can we not say, ok, so her life is small, and right now , she is being watched over by family, lets at least make her comfortable!
Ug, I am just rambling on now, but it is frustrating and hard to see someone in that kind of pain not being heard.
I pray so much that 2016 brings some changes to Obama Care, it has so screwed up our health care system. We are no longer people, but a product, a thing to be treated according to their check list, and because she is in this program, she agrees to having to have their Drs treat her. Maybe I made a mistake?
Say a short prayer for her pain to ease if you are a praying sort?
Peace and Blessings
LTW
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Little bit of this and that
Short post today, have so much going on! I planted all my tomato and pepper seeds and I have about 95% germination rate so far! I love Bakers Creek for all my heirloom seeds, they have an amazing array of seeds from all over the world. Their seed catalog is FREE and it is a work of art! I love getting it and just reading about all the different seeds. They have people who travel all over the world getting and saving seeds. With all the GMO stuff going on, I have decided to use only heirloom seeds, I hope that I have as much success with them as I have had in past years. I am excited about some of the different varieties I am trying like Cherokee Purple Tomatoes and a Genovese tomato that looks beautiful! I always do my Amish Paste tomatoes, they are amazing producers. I am also trying Cherokee trail of tears black beans, I am excited to plant those this year as we all love black beans. I have more seeds than room I think lol.
I hope that some day soon I can get out in the yard and clean up and maybe plant some peas and onions, but it is so very muddy. We have a season between Winter and Spring here, it is mud season, and with three dogs, I HATE mud season lol. This has been a long cold early spring, I am itching to get my hands dirty, bu we may have some snow tomorrow night, sigh.
I am trying to make some summer time plans but it is proving hard to pin Handsome down, and it is starting to aggravate me. Handsome can be very passive aggressive and not give an opinion until you force it out of him, and I really don't like to do that, it is aggravating . I so want to get something planned so I can start getting excited about it lol. I am going to pin him down this weekend though one way or another.
There is some killer virus going around here that is just taking out people around me right and left. It started with a sore throat and head ache, that went to a terrible cough and congestion. Handsome has been fighting it for three weeks now, #2 son has it and has been sick for 2 weeks, four people I work with have it, my mother in law is getting it, and so far I feel fine. I hate saying that because I feel I am tempting fate, but maybe I am actually immune to this one!
Spring needs to just get here, I want to open windows and air out my house. I have been going around it like a crazed woman with lysol spraying EVERYTHING~.
Are you all planning your garden yet? Any seeds started??
Have a wonderful weekend!
Peace and Blessings!
LTW
I hope that some day soon I can get out in the yard and clean up and maybe plant some peas and onions, but it is so very muddy. We have a season between Winter and Spring here, it is mud season, and with three dogs, I HATE mud season lol. This has been a long cold early spring, I am itching to get my hands dirty, bu we may have some snow tomorrow night, sigh.
I am trying to make some summer time plans but it is proving hard to pin Handsome down, and it is starting to aggravate me. Handsome can be very passive aggressive and not give an opinion until you force it out of him, and I really don't like to do that, it is aggravating . I so want to get something planned so I can start getting excited about it lol. I am going to pin him down this weekend though one way or another.
There is some killer virus going around here that is just taking out people around me right and left. It started with a sore throat and head ache, that went to a terrible cough and congestion. Handsome has been fighting it for three weeks now, #2 son has it and has been sick for 2 weeks, four people I work with have it, my mother in law is getting it, and so far I feel fine. I hate saying that because I feel I am tempting fate, but maybe I am actually immune to this one!
Spring needs to just get here, I want to open windows and air out my house. I have been going around it like a crazed woman with lysol spraying EVERYTHING~.
Are you all planning your garden yet? Any seeds started??
Have a wonderful weekend!
Peace and Blessings!
LTW
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Life and living
Oh my, are you all ready for spring? I know I am, yet spring brings its own anxieties. I have so many projects that I thought we would get done over the winter that we did not finish. I have so many projects that are coming up that I feel like we are behind the eight ball already. We have all been sick with one thing after another and it has really done a number on getting projects done. I hate to ask Handsome and the Boy to work all weekend at home when they are both sick and worked all week. So things sit and I get more anxious. I hate anxiety lol.
The Boy has cellulitis, he got terribly sick before we realized that it was not the flu, he woke up and was so fevered, I just so happened to see his leg and O my goodness, I knew. He is at the Dr now seeing if a week of strong antibiotics will be good enough or will he need IV antibiotics. I am praying that he only needs more strong medicine and not the IV's. He has missed a week of work, and that stinks as he has been saving hard, and will now have to dip into his savings.
I getting anxious to get in the yard and get some garden work going, but there is still a tiny bit of snow on my raised beds still, so I guess I must wait :( I have found a great source of composted horse manure though, and as soon as it is thawed, we are going and getting some. I have started some of my seeds in the house, and am waiting for my other seeds from Bakers Creek Heritage seed farm ( rareseeds.com)
This is one of the best places for non GMO all heritage seeds. I have visited the actual farm in Mansfield MO and met the people who own it and they are the most nice, and genuine people you would want to meet, check out their web site if you are a gardener you will love it. Also, they print one of the NICEST all color FREE catalogs out there. Seriously, check them out, you wont be sorry! ( and no i get nothing from them lol)
Handsome and I are discussing a trip on the bike to the Great Smokey Mountains as well as the Cherokee NC area to ride some of the amazing roads they have down there. Truly the Smokies and the Blue Ridge are two of the most beautiful places I have ever been to, and I really want to go back and spend more time on the bike there. I was thinking of renting a cabin, but I think we are going to totally wing it, we are going to just pack the bike and go in the direction we want, and stop when we find a place and ride when we want to move on. This is to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. We never had a honeymoon, and we used to talk about taking one to a tropical place, we both just adore road trips, and we love an adventure, so this trip sounds like more fun to us. Maybe one day we will do the beach and tropics but for now, we are free wheeling on the open roads. I love meeting new people, and seeing new places, finding the little hole in the wall diner that looks scary but puts out amazing food. I am praying that everything fall into place that we can actually do that this year.
I just spoke to the Boy, and the doctor is going to give him a few more days on antibiotics and a recheck on Monday. The redness is gone but there is still considerable swelling, if it is not better Monday they are going to do a doppler to maker sure there is no blood clot. If you are the praying sort would you say a prayer that this heals well and quickly?
I promise to check in sooner, with everyone being sick, life has been CRAZY.
I hope that you are all healthy and happy,
Peace and Blessings
LTW
The Boy has cellulitis, he got terribly sick before we realized that it was not the flu, he woke up and was so fevered, I just so happened to see his leg and O my goodness, I knew. He is at the Dr now seeing if a week of strong antibiotics will be good enough or will he need IV antibiotics. I am praying that he only needs more strong medicine and not the IV's. He has missed a week of work, and that stinks as he has been saving hard, and will now have to dip into his savings.
I getting anxious to get in the yard and get some garden work going, but there is still a tiny bit of snow on my raised beds still, so I guess I must wait :( I have found a great source of composted horse manure though, and as soon as it is thawed, we are going and getting some. I have started some of my seeds in the house, and am waiting for my other seeds from Bakers Creek Heritage seed farm ( rareseeds.com)
This is one of the best places for non GMO all heritage seeds. I have visited the actual farm in Mansfield MO and met the people who own it and they are the most nice, and genuine people you would want to meet, check out their web site if you are a gardener you will love it. Also, they print one of the NICEST all color FREE catalogs out there. Seriously, check them out, you wont be sorry! ( and no i get nothing from them lol)
Handsome and I are discussing a trip on the bike to the Great Smokey Mountains as well as the Cherokee NC area to ride some of the amazing roads they have down there. Truly the Smokies and the Blue Ridge are two of the most beautiful places I have ever been to, and I really want to go back and spend more time on the bike there. I was thinking of renting a cabin, but I think we are going to totally wing it, we are going to just pack the bike and go in the direction we want, and stop when we find a place and ride when we want to move on. This is to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. We never had a honeymoon, and we used to talk about taking one to a tropical place, we both just adore road trips, and we love an adventure, so this trip sounds like more fun to us. Maybe one day we will do the beach and tropics but for now, we are free wheeling on the open roads. I love meeting new people, and seeing new places, finding the little hole in the wall diner that looks scary but puts out amazing food. I am praying that everything fall into place that we can actually do that this year.
I just spoke to the Boy, and the doctor is going to give him a few more days on antibiotics and a recheck on Monday. The redness is gone but there is still considerable swelling, if it is not better Monday they are going to do a doppler to maker sure there is no blood clot. If you are the praying sort would you say a prayer that this heals well and quickly?
I promise to check in sooner, with everyone being sick, life has been CRAZY.
I hope that you are all healthy and happy,
Peace and Blessings
LTW
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
My thoughts on 50 Shades of Grey
I never read the book. It seems as if everyone I knew was reading it and talking about it. I just had no desire to read this book, and actually made a pact with myself, I would not read it. It is not because of the sex in the book, I am no prude, and believe in all types of fun in a marriage bed, so that was not a problem. If bondage is your thing, and both partners agree, then have at it! I believe God made sex FUN for a reason, it should bond a married couple. It should be exciting, it should be adventurous because during sex we are building love and trust. We should be able to do and say whatever we want to our spouse. God LOVES marriage, and tells us to celebrate it. He even gave a book of the bible up for a guide to good married sex, Song of Solomon. Go read it, if you read it in the New Living Translation, it is pretty plane to read, sex is fun and God wants that for us!
No, none of those reasons are not why I chose not to read it, and certainly will not go see the movie.
The reason is easy. I have said before that if you look into your marriage, and have discontent, the evil one tries very hard to exploit that. He uses those things to bring barriers and weakness to what God has deemed right and Good.
No what I fear would happen is that I (or any woman) would read of these unbelievable sexual exploits of these two beautiful people and think to myself "well why doesn't Handsome do those things, or say those things", and right there, you have opened the door to the devil getting in your head. Or maybe you read that and decide that you want to try these things, again in marriage that is not a problem. But what if your partner does not want to do something, or is uncomfortable doing something you read in a book or saw in a movie? Could that open the door to "what if"?
I know for a fact, that if you open that door, and you live your life in a way pleasing to God, that the devil will try so hard to corrupt what God made beautiful. So instead of looking at our marriage bed with contentment, we are suddenly saying "what if". I know first hand that what if are a calling card for the devil to come in and play.
Maybe you are not a Christian and you are reading this because of my history of the affair in my marriage, and you have been there. Let me tell you this is not so different for you. If we take God out of it , what if you read that book, and want those things, but your spouse is not up for it. Would you, in time, start thinking well I bet so and so would be "adventurous", or I bet her husband would do that for her. This is discontentment, and it will breed on itself if you are not careful. Our marriage beds are sacred, and what goes on in them is as well. As couples we need to TALK out LOUD about our sex lives. If you want to try things, talk to your spouse, and LISTEN to your spouse. If you want to read a book that helps read Sheet Music, wonderful book about a healthy, satisfying sexual marriage.
I happen to have a very good imagination, I don't need no stinking book lol~
Peace and Blessings!
LTW
No, none of those reasons are not why I chose not to read it, and certainly will not go see the movie.
The reason is easy. I have said before that if you look into your marriage, and have discontent, the evil one tries very hard to exploit that. He uses those things to bring barriers and weakness to what God has deemed right and Good.
No what I fear would happen is that I (or any woman) would read of these unbelievable sexual exploits of these two beautiful people and think to myself "well why doesn't Handsome do those things, or say those things", and right there, you have opened the door to the devil getting in your head. Or maybe you read that and decide that you want to try these things, again in marriage that is not a problem. But what if your partner does not want to do something, or is uncomfortable doing something you read in a book or saw in a movie? Could that open the door to "what if"?
I know for a fact, that if you open that door, and you live your life in a way pleasing to God, that the devil will try so hard to corrupt what God made beautiful. So instead of looking at our marriage bed with contentment, we are suddenly saying "what if". I know first hand that what if are a calling card for the devil to come in and play.
Maybe you are not a Christian and you are reading this because of my history of the affair in my marriage, and you have been there. Let me tell you this is not so different for you. If we take God out of it , what if you read that book, and want those things, but your spouse is not up for it. Would you, in time, start thinking well I bet so and so would be "adventurous", or I bet her husband would do that for her. This is discontentment, and it will breed on itself if you are not careful. Our marriage beds are sacred, and what goes on in them is as well. As couples we need to TALK out LOUD about our sex lives. If you want to try things, talk to your spouse, and LISTEN to your spouse. If you want to read a book that helps read Sheet Music, wonderful book about a healthy, satisfying sexual marriage.
I happen to have a very good imagination, I don't need no stinking book lol~
Peace and Blessings!
LTW
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
I love the snow
I laugh every time we are supposed to get some snow. I don't know if it is like this everywhere, but the news starts gearing up about one or two days before. They make half the news about an upcoming storm that "could" bring up to ( fill in the blank ).
Well where I live we got about 7 inches. The roads stink but if you drive with some caution, they certainly are not impassible. But my goodness, if you looked at the stores on Saturday, you would think people would be snowed in for a month lol. Funny thing though, I had to go to Wally World on Saturday before the giant storm, and ironically, we needed toilet paper, milk and bread. I looked at Handsome and laughed, I said now would you look at us, people are thinking we are part of the OMG crowd, and we weren't! I just so happened that we needed these things on that day.
But, I think I will start stocking up on toilet paper lol.
Stay warm and enjoy the weather where you are!!
Stay safe,
Peace and Blesssings
LTW
Well where I live we got about 7 inches. The roads stink but if you drive with some caution, they certainly are not impassible. But my goodness, if you looked at the stores on Saturday, you would think people would be snowed in for a month lol. Funny thing though, I had to go to Wally World on Saturday before the giant storm, and ironically, we needed toilet paper, milk and bread. I looked at Handsome and laughed, I said now would you look at us, people are thinking we are part of the OMG crowd, and we weren't! I just so happened that we needed these things on that day.
But, I think I will start stocking up on toilet paper lol.
Stay warm and enjoy the weather where you are!!
Stay safe,
Peace and Blesssings
LTW
Monday, January 12, 2015
State of the Union....
So just a quick update of the state of my mind, and our union, Handsome and I. It seems that my anxiety about our marriage is finally getting better. I think I finally feel enough time has passed, that if Handsome truly was still unhappy, or trying to just "make it" in our marriage it would have come out by now. We are at a happy place in our lives. I have come to accept that Handsome will not, after this many years, be anything different that who he is. He is not flowers and romance. He is not a man of words. He is a man of action tho, and he has been very clear on where his happiness lies.
A midlife crisis is a terrible thing, but boy do I see how they happen. I have crossed the line, I am 51 this year. I find myself sometimes wondering if this is what my life should have been, and wondering if I could have made better choices. I can see how if you are slightly depressed, this could take you down a long and winding path of discontent. I think that you need to be very very aware that if you start going down the "what if " road, the devil can have a field day in your brain. The evil one loves discontent, he plays in the muck and mire of it. For me, the way to continually arm myself against that is to "count my blessings, one by one". The evil one cannot dispute you when you are thankful for the blessings you are given, and have been given.
Handsome opened the door on that discontent, and the evil one had a field day with him. It was hard and soul crushing, especially for me at that time, but I think the passing years have been hard on him. He has shame for what he did. He is always struggling with forgiving himself. He struggles how I forgave him. But those struggles get less and less as the days go by. If you live in forgiveness, it is easier to accept that forgiveness.
I have had to also learn to accept that I must let go of the past to be able to live fully in this moment. If I open the door to discontent, why would I not expect the evil one to come in and fill my head with thoughts, if only handsome would say this, or do that? The exact same way he did to Handsome.
So now, I start my day and end my night with all the blessing we have. How we have been provided for, how we have been taken care of during all the worst times. Funny thing is, since I have done this, there has not been any what if thoughts.
I am happy.
Blessings and Peace
LTW
A midlife crisis is a terrible thing, but boy do I see how they happen. I have crossed the line, I am 51 this year. I find myself sometimes wondering if this is what my life should have been, and wondering if I could have made better choices. I can see how if you are slightly depressed, this could take you down a long and winding path of discontent. I think that you need to be very very aware that if you start going down the "what if " road, the devil can have a field day in your brain. The evil one loves discontent, he plays in the muck and mire of it. For me, the way to continually arm myself against that is to "count my blessings, one by one". The evil one cannot dispute you when you are thankful for the blessings you are given, and have been given.
Handsome opened the door on that discontent, and the evil one had a field day with him. It was hard and soul crushing, especially for me at that time, but I think the passing years have been hard on him. He has shame for what he did. He is always struggling with forgiving himself. He struggles how I forgave him. But those struggles get less and less as the days go by. If you live in forgiveness, it is easier to accept that forgiveness.
I have had to also learn to accept that I must let go of the past to be able to live fully in this moment. If I open the door to discontent, why would I not expect the evil one to come in and fill my head with thoughts, if only handsome would say this, or do that? The exact same way he did to Handsome.
So now, I start my day and end my night with all the blessing we have. How we have been provided for, how we have been taken care of during all the worst times. Funny thing is, since I have done this, there has not been any what if thoughts.
I am happy.
Blessings and Peace
LTW
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