Well I finally got a diagnosis

I went to the back specialist last two weeks and I have a diagnosis for my back, and it is not one I want, but I am relieved in a way and I will explain why.

ankylosing spondylitis

If you want you can google it.  In a nutshell it is a type of condition comparable to rheumatoid arthritis or psoriatic arthritis. It will not ever go away, but comes and goes in what they term "flares".  That explains why it seems nothing ever triggers my pain, and then it goes away. 

The condition scares me, but like I said, it gives me a certain peace knowing that there is indeed something wrong with my back. In this day and age, it just seems like you tell a doctor that you have back pain and they look at you like you just want drugs, well usually when people go to the doctor, they ARE in pain and DO need meds to help. Sadly that makes anyone seeking pain relief a doper to some doctors. My general practitioner in particular. I have had this problem so long, and anytime it got out of control I would ask for pain meds and rehab. He would give me 15 pain pills. That was nothing, and I could take them in four or five days.  Now a flare is not always for months, but it can be.

You see, finding out I had something was better than it being some random pain that I was being a baby about. When I finally went to the specialist, I explained that I fear that I will be prematurely aged by this.  What I mean was I am active. I like to garden and hike and play with my twin grandkids, and motorcycle for days, I am active.  As the pain became too much, I was loosing my ability to ignore the pain and be active, because that is what I have had to do for so long.  I have lived in pain for so many years now, that I just fight my way thru it to be able to LIVE.  I told the Dr that I cannot give up my activities, I see so many younger people who use canes ect because of back pain.  What I have is actually in  my sacroiliac joint not my back proper, as well as affecting my knee, (although I did not know they were connected till after my diagnosis) and when I lean forward it doesnt hurt so much, like people with canes.  I will not let that happen, and thank God, this doctor said he wont either! I told him I push thru the pain , I keep active, but that some days it is sooo hard to do. But he said that is was no problem to give me the pain meds to take on a  schedule. They are very very mild and do help.  This will probably progress though and as it does I will have to go see a different doctor and may have to be put on methotrexate or one of the strong meds they give for it. I hope that it never progresses to that point.

This diagnosis also explains a bunch of other things that happened in the past five years, I had a terrible hip problem about three or four years ago. I could hardly walk, they could not find anything wrong ( again, I was feeling like a hypochondriac) I ended up getting two injections in it and it hurt for almost a year, then bam, one day it is better. I went from being almost unable to walk to fine. It was another time I felt like what the heck, I did nothing to hurt myself, and doctors just don't like hearing that.  About three months ago my knee started hurting so bad I could hardly step on it. I figured shoot, I did something to that now.  Well I noticed that when my back was bad, so was my knee. Well the doctor said yes that is what a flare is. He helped me by validating that there was something physically wrong with me. I am not a drug seeker and I AM in pain, and there is a very real reason for the pain. Trust me when I say I would rather not have this at all, and I would much rather not be living in pain, but now I feel validated. Now I know it is not in my head. Or that I am a weakling and cannot deal with pain. I have been for so so long. I am taking one pill three times daily now, and am in so much more comfort. It is better than the 4 ibuprofen I was taking 4 times a day, that was eating my stomach and not working anymore. Now I can get out of bed in the morning and know I will be able to move after my shower. I can go to bed at night and actually roll over instead of pulling the sides of the bed to help me roll over.

I don't want this condition, but at least it is not in my head.

Peace and Blessings!

LTW

I am so happy!

I am able to get new insurance!!! I am so excited I cannot stand it!  I can get my shots in my back! I can get my carpal tunnel fixed!  I can get an MRI of the knee that I think I tore the meniscis (sp)
We can get the blood work that we need in our 50's
I am so relieved I cannot put it into words.

Sad garden update

Well, I am almost to the point of pulling all my tomatoes.  I have blight now from all the rain. It is so so hard to loose so many tomatoes when you raised them from seed, worked hard on giving them great growing conditions, and then the rain does not stop for over a month and the sun is hiding most days :(
I usually have no problems with things eating my garden either because of the three dogs, but something is eating my green beans! I seriously wanted to cry when I went out to my garden yesterday.  I am going to re evaluate the garden in a few days and may pull all of the really bad plants, then just replant with fall stuff. I will purchase a bushel of tomatoes and beans to can this year.  My trail of tears climbing beans are doing great.  My cukes are doing well too.  I dug potatoes yesterday for dinner and to see if they were rotting because of all the rain, thank goodness they are ok. I haven't had this bad of a year in over ten years and it really is disheartening to go thru all the work, and anticipation to have it fail. I think next year I am going to just build a new bed for the tomatoes and give all the current beds a break on them for at least a year.  I do rotate, but maybe I need longer between rotations.
Do any of you have suggestions as to what would be good to plant if I pull the tomatoes?  Something that will battle the problems I am having? What is a good feeder?  Any suggestions are welcome.

How are your gardens doing?  Have you ever had a failure year? It is disgusting isn't it lol.

Peace and Blessings
LTW

Why is there no publicity around yesterdays cyber "problems"

I have only recently gotten involved in preparedness. I could read the signs and found people online who I thought I could learn from, and who could help me to read the signs if I did not see something coming. I am learning so much, unfortunately I am nowhere near where I need to be if we have an incident, I would survive a short term emergency, but not a long term one. I am feeling the need to get better prepared.  I feel like God is nudging me in this direction, and I felt it before yesterday, but felt the need to share and get others opinions today.

What do you think happened yesterday with Wall Street and United Airlines?  Do you think it is all a coincidence?? I do not.  As Handsome and number 2 son and I were discussing this last night we all agree that there is no way this is a coincidence.  I am convinced that "the government" got involved and said no way are we saying this was and attack.  People would rush their banks and investments. I know I would.  Let me ask you, would you have flown yesterday or today even if you thought for one minute that the airlines could so easily be hacked, even though most informed people these days realize how vulnerable we really are. If this was a cyber attack or the "practice" run for one, and the media reported on that, our country would panic. The smart ones would see it as a very large warning sign, those that have been studying this and getting prepared for it are saying, we told you so.
I am trying not to worry, as I need to rely on the fact that God will indeed take care of me.
 My theory on all the cyber crap is this will institute the beginning of a individual microchip, meant to "protect" you from the cyber problems. The young people will think nothing of it at all, they are used to technology developing by leaps and bounds. Some young Christian people will know right away what it is. I am expecting it, and when that happens, we will need to be prepared, and I mean really prepared, as we will not be able to function without their device. We will have to have enough to care for our family until we are raptured or Jesus comes back.  It is an overwhelming thought isn't it?

I need to be way better prepared.  I need so many things, and my lists keep getting longer.  I am trying not to be discouraged because every step forward is going to help my family. I just feel the clock ticking, it is coming, what ever form "it" takes.

I really wish some media outlet would not let the government explanation go un investigated.  We cannot just sweep this incident under the carpet.  That along with the tweet from anonymous , the problems in Greece, and the real issues that China has going on, that we do not hear a word about in the media it seems.  Everything is ooookayy, according to "them"  dont worry, be happy.......

I may not worry, but I am not stupid, I can see the signs, and I am listening to the voice that is telling me be prepared be prepared.

Peace and Blessings
LTW

Insurance rant

I broke down and made an appointment with the Dr. who did the epidural injections in my back. I could not take the pain any longer. I had them about four years ago,maybe five, and after three of them I was out of pain, until now.  I doctored it for months, it is a birth defect in my back, that will probably eventually need surgery, but not until I have run out of options. Nothing is helping.  I made an appointment with said Dr. before vacation to get some type of pain relief so that I could enjoy my vacation, kayak, walk, you know, vacation stuff.  He gave me short term steroids and some pain meds and I made it ok.  I agreed to a shot because I am in so much pain that I would have said yes to anything.
That was a month ago.  As the day (today) came to get it done I started having such anxiety about the bill that I ended up cancelling the appointment.  I have been crying and angry since then.  I have insurance, if you want to call it that.  I know I have ranted about this before, but since Obama care,  my insurance is TERRIBLE, we have a NINE THOUSAND $ DEDUCTIBLE. So they do not pay anything until you have hit $9000.  I could not do it.  I could not go thru with burdening my family and myself with that bill.
So I called, cancelled and asked for a oral steroid.  I was in so much anxiety thinking about all the other things we need, and the money we don't have.  I decided that I will see if this will work as a short term patch.
I think this is what those idiots who wanted Obama care wanted. They wanted people to stop just going to the Dr to get fixed.  No more on demand health care for the middle class (which I think we are very very low middle class, you know paycheck to paycheck,now that we pay almost one paycheck to insurance we don't use, and only have in case of catastrophic illness).  No, but I know people personally that are getting surgery done on every ailment they have.  They are younger too.  I just turned 52. My Handsome is 54.  We are getting to the age where we are starting to have issues.  But we can't or won't get them fixed because we can't afford to.  Where are my subsidies?  Where is my hand out? Why do I have to live in pain, yet those who never even tried to get health insurance before this can get whatever they need?
My rant on many levels is based on this fact.  THEY COULD HAVE BOUGHT LOW COST HEALTH INSURANCE BEFORE!
I cannot stand when they say "well I could not get insurance before". Yes you could have. You could have bought insurance at anytime, but you said no, it was too expensive, so you opted out.  You chose not to purchase it.  Me, we chose to take jobs that offered it, and we PAID for it.  Yes we paid for it back then too, only they did not force this unreasonable deductible on us. They did not make it so that we have to chose food, mortgage or pain relief.  YOU chose not to buy insurance when you could have. Now the responsible people are paying for your idiocy.
I cry today. I cry because I cannot get relief unless I want to go into debt bigger than a small car. I cry because what will happen when I need more pain medicine? Am I going to be seen as a druggy? Or will they accept that Obama care has placed me in this situation.
Those of you, those who said they could not get insurance before, you did not care before because most did not have a house they could loose.  Well I do, and I cannot do the irresponsible thing and just run up a bill, because of the very real possibility of loosing my home.
So I suffer, and cry, and pray that this country will vote for the people who have the ability to help us.
Peace and Blessings
LTW

Another mans midlife crisis

I worked as a hairdresser for many many years.  It is a very hard industry to work in, it is very superficial, very competitive, and it is mostly women, and groups of women can be MEAN. I loved the creativity, but as the years went on, and my Christian life grew, I grew less tolerant of the awful things that went on around me.  The talking about people and whispers behind backs.  I also was going thru a terrible time with my youngest child and was dealing with depression, although at the time I did not realize that it was depression, I thought it was just my anxiety getting worse. I know though at the time that my boss was making my job harder and harder for me.  The story is long, and for another time, but she only hired me to make sure the salon I came from closed their doors, she hired all the hairstylists. At the time I was flattered, because we never really got along so well, not outright anger but we just did not interact. I did not pray before I took the job, and I should have because I know that God would have helped me in making the right decision.  A lesson I learned the hard way.....
Well to make all this shorter, her and I got into an argument and she fired me.  I have never ever been fired from a job, and this was a blow. Though this has nothing to do with the story, my firing was the BIGGEST blessing, I had prayed for years that a position would open up at my church, and three weeks after loosing my job, they called from the church and asked if I could temporarily fill in as they needed a person in reception.  Well I worked my butt off, and as a result, they kept me, and through hard work and God's blessing I am on the admin team and am the purchasing agent for the church as well.  I adore my job, everyone is a Christian, we all are working for the best boss there is, and we get paid for it! Little did I know that God was working it all together for my good.

Sorry for the rabbit trail lol.
 I was in the beauty supply store, and saw a lady I worked with at that salon, and found out my old bosses husband left her.  To say I was shocked would be an understatement, they were the "perfect" couple. They, to everyone around them, had the marriage everyone wants. My friend told me that he left her for another woman.  He turned fifty early last year. Although I am not friends with my old boss, my heart hurt for her. I know the devastation, the pain. It is a pain that unless you go thru this, you cannot even fathom. I told my friend that it sounds like he was having the classic mid life crisis, and I confessed to her Handsome and my issue. She was shocked to say the least, but I told her because I know that there can be reconciliation if both parties work very hard at it. In our discussion I mentioned that it seems to happen to men like my Handsome and her husband who were with their wives since high school. I think they hit fifty and think oh my I have never had another woman never experienced intimacy with another woman, and then they get weak.  This happened with a woman that he worked with, just like handsome. We spend so much time with people we work with , and it is very easy I think to fall into a relationship with the opposite sex at work. Unless you guard yourself against it, and I mean keep it right in the front of your mind, it can happen to anyone, even those who are happy. It is almost as if you lead a double life, your work life and your home life. Sometimes you can get to be friends and start sharing problems you may be having, the person lends a friendly ear, they always agree with you, because in reality the don't know you, so they do not have all the facts.  Then maybe you complain about your significant other one time, and that person totally understands you, so you bring more issues to them, and of course they always take your side.  You start to talk outside of work, maybe online or texting. It happens so very easy unless you guard your head and your heart, and I believe that you have to ask God to support you, to help you daily, to send the Holy Spirit to you when things maybe getting to personal. It happens so often, and it is heartbreaking to me.
I know that men and women are both capable of mid life crisis issues, but if you guard yourself, and know that at this time in your life you can be vulnerable, pray and ask for the strength to deal with things that may not be in your best interest, pray and ask God to let you see your spouse the way you did in the beginning, when your heart pitter pattered at the sight of him/her.
My old boss would not give me the time of day I am pretty sure, but I am praying for her just the same, the pain she is going thru is one I would not wish on any person on this earth. I even offered through our mutual friend that if she wanted to talk, I would be happy to talk to her about reconciliation and how it can happen even after an affair.
Friends, if you are unhappy in your marriage, please I beg you, go to your spouse, talk with them, even if it will cause some strife, be open be honest tell your spouse how you are feeling.  And pray, pray for the strength to resist becoming too close to the opposite sex at work.  Go to your spouse, they may not even realize you are having a problem but I can guarantee you that if you are honest with them and they see the depths of your issues they will want to work with you to fix it. Go to a counselor, or a pastor, work hard to save your marriage. Most of us made a vow before God, before you do anything, think to yourself is this situation so horrible that I want to break a vow I made to God?
M, I am praying for you today, that God will heal your hurt, and place the spirit of reconciliation in y our heart.
Peace and Blessings my friends
LTW

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