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Monday, November 17, 2014

Extended Family, and the new family unit.

So in our house, we care for my mother in law, who moved in with us thirteen years ago.  My youngest child also lives at home, he/she is in their early twenties.  Now I will say, I never ever thought that MIL would be here this long.  NEVER.  But regardless, she is still here.  It has seriously had repercussions in my marriage , and it took a very long time to get used to, but she is not really a problem and in my family, family takes care of family if at all possible.  Handsome has other family members, but trust me, they have nothing to do with the care of their mother.  She is lucky that they call her twice a year, it is sinful, and I finally this year called out the worst offender.  They do not talk with us anymore as a result. My post today does not really have to do with my mother in law, but with my child that is living at home.
I read an article today speaking about how kids are living at home longer.  I posted it on facebook, and really did not expect to see any comments on it.  Wow was I wrong.  It elicited a very lively conversation between people who are friends.  The article came from the positive aspects of having a child at home, but my friends, some who have kids, some who do not commented how awful and lazy she was.  How she was not learning about life.  She had a boyfriend, but they did not live together, and she was staying home until the timing was right or marriage.  This started me thinking, how many people think we are wrong for letting our child live at home still?  How many would just boot their child out the door at 18 or if they did not go to college?  My parents did that to me.  I love and adore my parents, but what they did, did not help me.  It gave me a very rough start in life.  I had to move in with my now husband.  We struggled for years.  Juxtapose that against my oldest child, who we let live at home til they  were  prepared. they  stayed at home, later got engaged, and then got an apartment.  they  married, they bought a house, and two years later had kids.
It was a blessing to child number one, and a blessing I have no problem with child number two.  They do learn responsibility!  They do learn about caring for others~, no person can live in our house with out being productive and working and sharing the load.
We enjoy our time with our child.  This child is a huge help in caring for our mother in law.  If this child did not take that responsibility seriously, handsome and I could never get away for a break or a trip.
It makes me wonder if our country may be going back to a time not long ago when the extended family was not a curse but a blessing.
I am curious what you think, maybe I am completely off base here, but I do enjoy having my family close to me!
Blessings!
LTW

2 comments:

  1. I found your blog from somewhere else, it really spoke to me. Although neither of us have had an EA, we are going through a tough time with many of the feelings you have shared. Thank you, and all the best.

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  2. Thank you for your comment. Longtime marriages have many hurdles
    I struggle daily with so many feelings. I carry on because I am a Christian, I believe in a covenant and will work hard to continue my marriage. I will say a prayer for you and your spouse. And I can't say it enough, if you can read the book the five love languages, take the online survey ( you can do it without the book) it helped me so very much.
    And the book How we love.
    Blessings to you LTW

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