I laugh every time we are supposed to get some snow. I don't know if it is like this everywhere, but the news starts gearing up about one or two days before. They make half the news about an upcoming storm that "could" bring up to ( fill in the blank ).
Well where I live we got about 7 inches. The roads stink but if you drive with some caution, they certainly are not impassible. But my goodness, if you looked at the stores on Saturday, you would think people would be snowed in for a month lol. Funny thing though, I had to go to Wally World on Saturday before the giant storm, and ironically, we needed toilet paper, milk and bread. I looked at Handsome and laughed, I said now would you look at us, people are thinking we are part of the OMG crowd, and we weren't! I just so happened that we needed these things on that day.
But, I think I will start stocking up on toilet paper lol.
Stay warm and enjoy the weather where you are!!
Stay safe,
Peace and Blesssings
LTW
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
State of the Union....
So just a quick update of the state of my mind, and our union, Handsome and I. It seems that my anxiety about our marriage is finally getting better. I think I finally feel enough time has passed, that if Handsome truly was still unhappy, or trying to just "make it" in our marriage it would have come out by now. We are at a happy place in our lives. I have come to accept that Handsome will not, after this many years, be anything different that who he is. He is not flowers and romance. He is not a man of words. He is a man of action tho, and he has been very clear on where his happiness lies.
A midlife crisis is a terrible thing, but boy do I see how they happen. I have crossed the line, I am 51 this year. I find myself sometimes wondering if this is what my life should have been, and wondering if I could have made better choices. I can see how if you are slightly depressed, this could take you down a long and winding path of discontent. I think that you need to be very very aware that if you start going down the "what if " road, the devil can have a field day in your brain. The evil one loves discontent, he plays in the muck and mire of it. For me, the way to continually arm myself against that is to "count my blessings, one by one". The evil one cannot dispute you when you are thankful for the blessings you are given, and have been given.
Handsome opened the door on that discontent, and the evil one had a field day with him. It was hard and soul crushing, especially for me at that time, but I think the passing years have been hard on him. He has shame for what he did. He is always struggling with forgiving himself. He struggles how I forgave him. But those struggles get less and less as the days go by. If you live in forgiveness, it is easier to accept that forgiveness.
I have had to also learn to accept that I must let go of the past to be able to live fully in this moment. If I open the door to discontent, why would I not expect the evil one to come in and fill my head with thoughts, if only handsome would say this, or do that? The exact same way he did to Handsome.
So now, I start my day and end my night with all the blessing we have. How we have been provided for, how we have been taken care of during all the worst times. Funny thing is, since I have done this, there has not been any what if thoughts.
I am happy.
Blessings and Peace
LTW
A midlife crisis is a terrible thing, but boy do I see how they happen. I have crossed the line, I am 51 this year. I find myself sometimes wondering if this is what my life should have been, and wondering if I could have made better choices. I can see how if you are slightly depressed, this could take you down a long and winding path of discontent. I think that you need to be very very aware that if you start going down the "what if " road, the devil can have a field day in your brain. The evil one loves discontent, he plays in the muck and mire of it. For me, the way to continually arm myself against that is to "count my blessings, one by one". The evil one cannot dispute you when you are thankful for the blessings you are given, and have been given.
Handsome opened the door on that discontent, and the evil one had a field day with him. It was hard and soul crushing, especially for me at that time, but I think the passing years have been hard on him. He has shame for what he did. He is always struggling with forgiving himself. He struggles how I forgave him. But those struggles get less and less as the days go by. If you live in forgiveness, it is easier to accept that forgiveness.
I have had to also learn to accept that I must let go of the past to be able to live fully in this moment. If I open the door to discontent, why would I not expect the evil one to come in and fill my head with thoughts, if only handsome would say this, or do that? The exact same way he did to Handsome.
So now, I start my day and end my night with all the blessing we have. How we have been provided for, how we have been taken care of during all the worst times. Funny thing is, since I have done this, there has not been any what if thoughts.
I am happy.
Blessings and Peace
LTW
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Anxiety.....and being Christian
Like everyone I have been incredibly busy with Christmas and the New Year. I have had little time to sit and think, and less time to put those thoughts on paper.
I deal with anxiety. I have always dealt with it. For many years I did not have a name for it, but I felt like I was constantly going to burst at the seams. Anxiety takes many forms, in some it can be a rapid heart beat, in others they loose their breath. Some people are anxious about unknown things, some people are anxious because of the state of the world around them. Many people with anxiety deal with depression as well. I have anxiety, and I have dealt with depression as well.
I have taken medication for many years, and it has helped tremendously. BUT.... I still have anxiety.
This is what my anxiety looks like, and feels like on a daily basis. I cannot stop. I cannot relax. If I find myself sitting on the couch, it creates anxiety in me. I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING, every minute of every day, until I collapse in bed. IF I sit, I feel an extreme form of restlessness, which then progresses to a feeling I like to call "superman in the phone booth". Do you remember superman? He used to go into a phone booth, rip open his shirt at the chest and out would pop his superman outfit? Well take that picture and make it rip open your chest and just let the anxiety POP out. It is so hard to explain to so many people. But in looking back on my life, I have struggled with this since I was a child. I remember rocking back and forth in my bed, on my knees with my head on the pillow just wanting to get rid of the feeling. Honestly I cannot even say what triggers it for me. There are normal times when you should have anxiety, for me high places, or bridges. I understand that anxiety. What I do not understand is the anxiety for no reason. So I struggle with this. I take a daily medicine, and xanax one time a day, but still have break thru anxiety. So I proceed to beat myself up. Why?
I am a Christian. The bible tells us to "cast all our cares on Him, and He will care for us". I promise, I cast my cares on Him, but still I have anxiety. What does that mean? Does it mean I am not letting go of my anxiety? Does it mean I do not trust God to take it away? Does He want me to suffer with it? If so, to what end?
I have struggled for years with this question. I think though that in this new year, I am not going to struggle with that question anymore. For whatever reason, this is my lot in life. God knows it, and He allows it, and I will learn the reason one day when I reside in Heaven. But until then I have to STOP beating myself up, I have to STOP thinking I am a failed Christian. I am not. I do cast my cares on Him, somedays are easier than others. I pray to con core this one day at a time, with the Love of God shining on me.
I am a Christian, I love the Lord, and I have anxiety.
Peace and Blessings
LTW
I deal with anxiety. I have always dealt with it. For many years I did not have a name for it, but I felt like I was constantly going to burst at the seams. Anxiety takes many forms, in some it can be a rapid heart beat, in others they loose their breath. Some people are anxious about unknown things, some people are anxious because of the state of the world around them. Many people with anxiety deal with depression as well. I have anxiety, and I have dealt with depression as well.
I have taken medication for many years, and it has helped tremendously. BUT.... I still have anxiety.
This is what my anxiety looks like, and feels like on a daily basis. I cannot stop. I cannot relax. If I find myself sitting on the couch, it creates anxiety in me. I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING, every minute of every day, until I collapse in bed. IF I sit, I feel an extreme form of restlessness, which then progresses to a feeling I like to call "superman in the phone booth". Do you remember superman? He used to go into a phone booth, rip open his shirt at the chest and out would pop his superman outfit? Well take that picture and make it rip open your chest and just let the anxiety POP out. It is so hard to explain to so many people. But in looking back on my life, I have struggled with this since I was a child. I remember rocking back and forth in my bed, on my knees with my head on the pillow just wanting to get rid of the feeling. Honestly I cannot even say what triggers it for me. There are normal times when you should have anxiety, for me high places, or bridges. I understand that anxiety. What I do not understand is the anxiety for no reason. So I struggle with this. I take a daily medicine, and xanax one time a day, but still have break thru anxiety. So I proceed to beat myself up. Why?
I am a Christian. The bible tells us to "cast all our cares on Him, and He will care for us". I promise, I cast my cares on Him, but still I have anxiety. What does that mean? Does it mean I am not letting go of my anxiety? Does it mean I do not trust God to take it away? Does He want me to suffer with it? If so, to what end?
I have struggled for years with this question. I think though that in this new year, I am not going to struggle with that question anymore. For whatever reason, this is my lot in life. God knows it, and He allows it, and I will learn the reason one day when I reside in Heaven. But until then I have to STOP beating myself up, I have to STOP thinking I am a failed Christian. I am not. I do cast my cares on Him, somedays are easier than others. I pray to con core this one day at a time, with the Love of God shining on me.
I am a Christian, I love the Lord, and I have anxiety.
Peace and Blessings
LTW
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)