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Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Another mans midlife crisis

I worked as a hairdresser for many many years.  It is a very hard industry to work in, it is very superficial, very competitive, and it is mostly women, and groups of women can be MEAN. I loved the creativity, but as the years went on, and my Christian life grew, I grew less tolerant of the awful things that went on around me.  The talking about people and whispers behind backs.  I also was going thru a terrible time with my youngest child and was dealing with depression, although at the time I did not realize that it was depression, I thought it was just my anxiety getting worse. I know though at the time that my boss was making my job harder and harder for me.  The story is long, and for another time, but she only hired me to make sure the salon I came from closed their doors, she hired all the hairstylists. At the time I was flattered, because we never really got along so well, not outright anger but we just did not interact. I did not pray before I took the job, and I should have because I know that God would have helped me in making the right decision.  A lesson I learned the hard way.....
Well to make all this shorter, her and I got into an argument and she fired me.  I have never ever been fired from a job, and this was a blow. Though this has nothing to do with the story, my firing was the BIGGEST blessing, I had prayed for years that a position would open up at my church, and three weeks after loosing my job, they called from the church and asked if I could temporarily fill in as they needed a person in reception.  Well I worked my butt off, and as a result, they kept me, and through hard work and God's blessing I am on the admin team and am the purchasing agent for the church as well.  I adore my job, everyone is a Christian, we all are working for the best boss there is, and we get paid for it! Little did I know that God was working it all together for my good.

Sorry for the rabbit trail lol.
 I was in the beauty supply store, and saw a lady I worked with at that salon, and found out my old bosses husband left her.  To say I was shocked would be an understatement, they were the "perfect" couple. They, to everyone around them, had the marriage everyone wants. My friend told me that he left her for another woman.  He turned fifty early last year. Although I am not friends with my old boss, my heart hurt for her. I know the devastation, the pain. It is a pain that unless you go thru this, you cannot even fathom. I told my friend that it sounds like he was having the classic mid life crisis, and I confessed to her Handsome and my issue. She was shocked to say the least, but I told her because I know that there can be reconciliation if both parties work very hard at it. In our discussion I mentioned that it seems to happen to men like my Handsome and her husband who were with their wives since high school. I think they hit fifty and think oh my I have never had another woman never experienced intimacy with another woman, and then they get weak.  This happened with a woman that he worked with, just like handsome. We spend so much time with people we work with , and it is very easy I think to fall into a relationship with the opposite sex at work. Unless you guard yourself against it, and I mean keep it right in the front of your mind, it can happen to anyone, even those who are happy. It is almost as if you lead a double life, your work life and your home life. Sometimes you can get to be friends and start sharing problems you may be having, the person lends a friendly ear, they always agree with you, because in reality the don't know you, so they do not have all the facts.  Then maybe you complain about your significant other one time, and that person totally understands you, so you bring more issues to them, and of course they always take your side.  You start to talk outside of work, maybe online or texting. It happens so very easy unless you guard your head and your heart, and I believe that you have to ask God to support you, to help you daily, to send the Holy Spirit to you when things maybe getting to personal. It happens so often, and it is heartbreaking to me.
I know that men and women are both capable of mid life crisis issues, but if you guard yourself, and know that at this time in your life you can be vulnerable, pray and ask for the strength to deal with things that may not be in your best interest, pray and ask God to let you see your spouse the way you did in the beginning, when your heart pitter pattered at the sight of him/her.
My old boss would not give me the time of day I am pretty sure, but I am praying for her just the same, the pain she is going thru is one I would not wish on any person on this earth. I even offered through our mutual friend that if she wanted to talk, I would be happy to talk to her about reconciliation and how it can happen even after an affair.
Friends, if you are unhappy in your marriage, please I beg you, go to your spouse, talk with them, even if it will cause some strife, be open be honest tell your spouse how you are feeling.  And pray, pray for the strength to resist becoming too close to the opposite sex at work.  Go to your spouse, they may not even realize you are having a problem but I can guarantee you that if you are honest with them and they see the depths of your issues they will want to work with you to fix it. Go to a counselor, or a pastor, work hard to save your marriage. Most of us made a vow before God, before you do anything, think to yourself is this situation so horrible that I want to break a vow I made to God?
M, I am praying for you today, that God will heal your hurt, and place the spirit of reconciliation in y our heart.
Peace and Blessings my friends
LTW

4 comments:

  1. and this is why i say you are one of the strongest women i have "met" in my life. because you understand how your old boss must be hurting...and you don't want anyone to hurt! that is what a christian is and that is what a christian does. you have so much compassion - even offering to talk to your old boss. i hope that God leads her to you as you have much to offer her - a wide-open heart, an ear, a shoulder, experience and wisdom. i am very glad to call you friend.

    your friend,
    kymber

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  2. It happens to most Women about age 35 in my experience. If they make it passed 50 they are usually in for the long haul.

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  3. PP I think it does happen in women too, when their kids are raised. But I see it in so many men that hit fifty.
    Kymber, thank you, your words are very kind, I am not special, only try to live my life in a way that when I see the Lord He will tell me "well done good and faithful soldier"
    Hugs to you kymber, you are a kind and special soul.
    PP I hope your wife is feeling better and you are able to catch up

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