the voices in my head

I think that most people would say that in an affair, be it emotional, or physical, that the most harm comes from the thought of our spouse with another person.  That must be the hardest part most people think.  Maybe for some it is the hardest part, but not for me.
Oh sure, I definitely had a very hard time with her.  I compared myself to her, looks, personality all of it.  But I found it much easier to let her go.
What I cannot get rid of so easily is the voices in my head.  No, I am not crazy yet, lol.  By the voices in my head, I mean the words that were spoken between Handsome and I when Dday first happened. Many marriage infidelity sites will tell you that the wayward person will make up their own version of the past, to justify in their mind that what they are doing is ok, because the person they are married to is just the worst person ever. They say hurtful things, to try to make themselves feel better.  Those are the voices I hear. Those are the voices that I just have such a hard time getting rid of.  These are the voices that I want to replace with words of affirmation, words of love.
Handsome doesnt quite get how I cannot put those words behind me.  He promises he did not mean them, but I still hear them.
I think this week is bad too, because my birthday is upon us.  And I would give any amount of money to be anywhere but here, but that is not to be.  So I will continue to slay my dragon voices.  I will cling to the man I love, and pray that he works hard to help me over come these voices.
I pray to God to put a different voice in my head, His voice.
It will get better, it has gotten better.  I have faith.
I just wish my birthday would go away.
Peace and Blessings