Hindsite

It is so easy to look back at a situation and see where mistakes were made.  It is something most people experience at some point along the way of life, we see so much clearer on the other side of a situation.

In the immediate aftermath of Dday, most betrayed spouses will say, "I did not see any problems", or " I thought we were happy".  I said that. Loudly. I railed and yelled, and tortured myself with "what happened?", "why didn't I see it coming"..

Now, I am more than three years out, and I have the luxury of hind site.  I can see, looking back, that we were not spending one on one time together.  We were not connecting or talking about anything but the running of our household.  We stopped having fun together, it was all chores. Our intimate life was suffering. My spouse was loosing weight and bought a motorcycle. All these little signs, that on their own, may not trigger any suspicion, but when weighed together in hind site, they reveal a  problem.

Part of the problem in my not recognizing it was comfort.  We have been together for most of my life.  We were comfortable with each other.  We stopped trying to impress, or compliment each other.  We became a team in raising our family, and forgot to put each other at the top of our respective lists. We took each other for granted.

If you are in a marriage now, that has been a long time marriage, or if you have just started this road together, please always evaluate where you both are in the marriage.  What I mean is take a moment, and ask your spouse, how are you doing today?  Lets go outside and talk.  Tell me about your day, is there anything I can do to help you relax?  Would you like to talk or just rest. Be aware, be intentional in fostering the closeness that you both have in each other.

Marriage is for the long haul.  You both will spend more years with each other, than any other relationship.  Treasure each other.  If you start feeling like your spouse is not giving you the attention you need SPEAK UP. Hearing the hard things may be upsetting in the moment, but try to think of the big picture.  Try to see this as an investment in your future.

I will be brutally honest.  First I take no responsibility for Handsomes cheating, that is on him one hundred percent.  But I will be honest and say that I had started treating Handsome like another one of my kids, telling him what to do, how to do it, and hurry up already.  I quit treating him like a partner, and was treating him as my "responsibility".  I had quit showing him I loved him as a man, not as a provider, or what a hard worker he was.  But a man, my husband, my partner.

I will never take responsibility, but I will look at my past with hindsite, and be brutally honest with myself.  I failed in areas as a wife. I was not perfect.

That does not give any person the right to cheat, it doesn't.  But it gives me an insight into the mind of my handsome, to look at where I could have improved. To look at the lack of communication.  To see that there was something wrong in our relationship.  

In Hind site, so much becomes clear.

I implore you, look at your situation with the glasses of honesty. It may hurt, but it will help you to heal, even if healing is not reconciliation.

I pray for all of the betrayed out there.....

Peace and blessings.