Who Cheats?

I was looking around at some statistics this weekend.  The numbers are staggering, and getting worse every year.

Below are compiled statistics on infidelity and marriage:

Percentage of marriages that end in divorce in America: 53%

Percentage of "arranged marriages" (where parents pick their sons or daughters spouses) that end in divorce: 3%

Medical field(s) with the highest divorce rate: psychiatrists and marriage counselors

Percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional: 41%

Percentage of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had: 57%

Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had: 54%

Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker: 36%

Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips: 36%

Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity (emotional or physical) with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law: 17%

Average length of an affair: 2 years

Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered: 31%

Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 74%

Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 68%

Those statistics are scary to me.  If I had seen them prior to our situation, I would have said, "thank God we are not part of those statistics!" But now I am a part of them. Handsome is part of the 57% of men.

Together we are part of  only 31% of couples who reconcile.

Wow. Less than one third make it to reconciliation.  Yet more than half the men are doing this, as well as over half the women as well!  These are staggering numbers.

I think  that this number is rising all the time. I hope that if you are reading this you are not one of these statistics.  If you are though, I want to encourage you to look at your situation as much as an observer as possible.  Look to see if there were outside influences?  Look inside as well. I am sorry, I do not want to offend, but in most cases of infidelity, they begin with dissatisfaction in their relationships.  Is there a place that you could improve on?

In my instance, there was such a huge lack of communication, on both parts.  The funny thing about that statement is if you had asked me if I communicated to Handsome before his affair, I would have said YES I talk to him all the time!  Ah, I talked to him. My problem was not listening or observing when he was not listening. There are almost always a plethora of reasons this happens, but I see communication as the biggest culprit. What we discovered was I was talking at him, not to him.  What he learned was he anticipates a response from me, that he may not get, so he clams up. You would think in  all these years, we would be good at communication, but we weren't.  we are so much better now.  So if you think you may be having a problem with communication, please please look very objectively at it.  See if there are better methods to employ when trying to communicate.  Ask your spouse if they feel heard.  Ask them if you are speaking clearly to them.  It is so darn important.

I am somewhat scattered today, but tomorrow I want to talk to you about hind site being twenty twenty, and what you may want to watch for.

Peace and Blessings.