It makes you question your ability to see truths, or more accurately lies. It makes you question your belief in what is true and what may have been false. These are all valid processes to recovering from an affair. The problem comes in when you have processed it all, and committed to your spouse to reconciling the marriage. Now this of course pertains to the betrayed spouse.
Once you decide that you are going to forgive, you will have to take the steps to fix your trust, you will have to take steps in rebuilding your faith in yourself and in your spouse. Let me say this, IT IS NOT EASY!
There is no magic answer of when you will be able to rebuild this, but to rebuild your marriage, and for the betrayed spouse to heal, you must decide to trust again.
I know its hard, I know many of you (or one of you lol) may say, well he broke me, he needs to fix me. I said that! With those same words. Handsome YOU BROKE ME you need to fix me. You need to give me back my trust. You need to give me back my faith in this marriage.
So I waited, and waited, and hurt and waited. I prayed, and waited some more.
Then my answer came one day. Handsome cannot make me trust him again! This is totally in my control, has no way of making me feel a certain way.
I am in charge of those feelings. If I am going to reconcile, I MUST trust. To not trust means that I am in turmoil every single day. I cannot live that way, the stress of it will kill me. Not to mention, I will find NO joy in my reconciliation if I walk in distrust every single day.
So I made the decision, when I started feeling distrustful, that was NOT on Handsome, it was becasue of my thought process. I control those thoughts, and as long as I control them, then the evil one cannot enter and turn my thoughts around
One of the things that held Handsome back from reconciling with him was the fact that he thought I would never be able to trust him again. I told him in the moment
"of course I can!" " I will do what is necessary for our marriage to succeed. Then I proceeded to mistrust him every day. Can I tell you, I suffered because of it. I had doubt every single day. Then time passed, and we started feeling better, more connected, and I realized that in order to truly heal, I had to trust. So I let go of the mistrust, and decided that I would trust every word out of his mouth. From where he was going, to the fact that he loved me, I had to start trusting THAT VERY DAY.
So I did. When he says "I love you too" I trust that he means it. When he says he is going racing I believe him. I do not let doubt creep in, and if it starts, I make a distinct effort to banish those thoughts. I do this because I control those thoughts.
I know it sounds easy, and maybe had someone said this to me too soon after DDay, I may have poo pooed them. But I want to give hope to any person who comes here looking for hope. Though do not think that it doesn't take a monumental effort on my part, it does. So often during the process I felt weak, but in deciding to take back my trust, I made myself strong again.
I hope and pray that if you ever find yourself in this spot that you will realize you are STRONG, and that you have the power to control the evil thoughts, as well as the good ones.
This is a terrible process to go thru, but I want to give hope to those who are. I am 4 years into my reconciliation, and although I am learning everyday, I feel so much more in control now than I did even year ago.
I wish you peace and blessings L
No comments:
Post a Comment