Lets try a round two of blog land. I think I did something incorrectly on the other blog. I hope that if any of you followed me here that you would say HI!
I want to get out there, that I adore Handsome, I love him with all my heart. In going back, I am trying to set the stage for where we are now in our life, and some of the things we have gone thru that got us there.
I dont want to stay in the past though, because reliving some things to much can trigger bad feelings, which in turn triggers emotional behavior that I do not like in myself. But to be fair to my marriage, my past shaped my now, so it needs to be brought out there.
But I will not live in the past. My intentions are on a great future.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Am I really jealous of my.........
Dogs? How on the good lords earth can I be jealous of my dogs? I adore my dogs, love my dogs even. Good thing too, because we have a pack of them.
But jealous, that never happened.
Until last night, when I realized that Handsome gives them, with no effort at all, public displays of affection, when he comes home, he pets them, tells them what good dogs they are, or pretty. Give one of them the back rub they love, one of them a little tug toy, he is considerate of their likes and dislikes. With zero effort.
So tell me, why cant he come home, hug me with the same joy, tell me he thinks I look beautiful, or shoot, even you look nice today would be an amazing compliment in Handsome world. What do I do to make myself at least as loved as my dogs?
Really, I am jealous of them. How pathetic am I.
But jealous, that never happened.
Until last night, when I realized that Handsome gives them, with no effort at all, public displays of affection, when he comes home, he pets them, tells them what good dogs they are, or pretty. Give one of them the back rub they love, one of them a little tug toy, he is considerate of their likes and dislikes. With zero effort.
So tell me, why cant he come home, hug me with the same joy, tell me he thinks I look beautiful, or shoot, even you look nice today would be an amazing compliment in Handsome world. What do I do to make myself at least as loved as my dogs?
Really, I am jealous of them. How pathetic am I.
Does it Count if you have to TELL him?
Sorry, to my non existent reader!(s) I got a little let down that maybe not one person is looking at this. I then thought maybe I should try another direction. But I realized this morning on my way to work, that this is about honesty to myself. this began as a way for me to purge the things that are on my chest. To get out my frustrations, to work thru the conflict in my marriage. In a way this was to be an online journal of how I am navigating my 30 year marriage.
I wanted to give a background to my story today, but realizing that thirty years of background may bore the death out of any readers that find me.
But the truth is this, the reason that I need this place is that he has never done what needed to be done to shore up our marriage after his affair. Yes affair, again.
Shoot, I trusted him so much after all that time, that when I found out that he wanted to leave me, I had never seen it coming. I trusted him so much, that the thought NEVER crossed my mind that he would do it AGAIN! Especially as close as he is to the kids, he had to know the kids would not want anything to do with him. My kids held up our marriage as an example of what they wanted in a marriage~! hoo hoo boy howdy did he screw up.
But the worst part about this last affair (will be four years ago this July), was not that there was another woman, but that he said some truly hurtful things to me. He has since apoligized, which ok thank you for that. BUT he has never replaced the hurtful words with words of love. What I mean is this
He told me he never loved me, but that he was just waiting until the kids got old enough to accept it.
He told me that my whole past was a lie, and that he did not desire me, or look at me in the way a wife wants to be looked at.
He said so many things that shook me to my core, because I NEVER saw it coming. I remember, he said to me, "couldnt you tell I was miserable"? NO!!!!! I couldnt see it, I didnt see it.
Ok, so that little tid bit of my past is to set up what happened this weekend, and what is the basis for my post title.
My love languages are physical touch, and words of affirmation. so are his, which I found hard to believe at first lol. But anyway, I try all the time to give him those words that afirm him, and I touch him at least twice every day.....
So you would think that would satisfy at least my physical touch need. But here is the thing, when I hug him, I am takingmy love from him, he is not giving it to me. Just like our intimate life, He never says NO, but if he doesnt initiate, is it just disinterest? Or what. and the OR WHAT is what drives me nuts. completely out of my mind.
Yesterday, I poured out my heart to Handsome, crying showing how hurt and broken I was feeling about a certain situation. I got a mild hug to make me feel better, no more than you would give a friend. About thirty minutes later, still feeling crappy and somewhat weepy, I went to him, wanting him to hold and hug me, and tell me he loved me, things I would just naturally do if I saw someone I LOVED in pain.
He put his hands on my shoulders and said "what?"
WHAT?~!! what on earth do you mean WHAT?
Here is longtime wife, standing here CRYING, in obvious pain and you ask what ?
Why does he not see it? What do I do that I havent done? I have spoken these same words to him. Told him of my needs, spelled it out in the easiest man language, used word pictures for crying out loud. But still he does not get it.
Later in the day, he said to me (after I had pulled away emotionally, not cool I know, but I was crushed)
" I am not mad at you, so you shouldnt be mad at me" blink: blink:...head shakes blink blink
Wait a minute handsome, I am not mad either! But I didnt say that, I didnt say anything, because I was flabbergasted about what he said.
Because there was a family member at the house, and it was an important day in our household, I opted to not say anything about it. But in my prayer time this morning, God poked me and said, you need to again tell him, because he does not get it. So I sent him an email, and I told him, that it seems he equates any emotion that is not happy as anger. And that at no point in the day was I angry.. I WAS sad, incredibly sad. The difference is huge!!! But he only sees this stuff as anger, which shuts him down.
But does it count if I ALWAYS have to tell him that he is hurting me. I dont think so. Again in my talk with God, he told me that I need to stop putting my expectations on someone else, that I need to find my worth in Him alone. And boy do I strive to do that. But I still know that my husband broke me with his last affair, and he is the glue I need to put me back together stronger than before. But he has not applied any glue to me, he picks me up, puts the pieces together, then lets go before he glues them. Then I fall apart again.
One " I love you" with out me having to say it first, one hug that I did not initiate.
One time tell me that you cant wait till we go to bed tonight.
One time..................
I adore and love this man,what do I do to lower my expectations?
Struggle on, look to the Lord to fill the deep hole that is my love bank.
Peace dear reader(s)
I wanted to give a background to my story today, but realizing that thirty years of background may bore the death out of any readers that find me.
But the truth is this, the reason that I need this place is that he has never done what needed to be done to shore up our marriage after his affair. Yes affair, again.
Shoot, I trusted him so much after all that time, that when I found out that he wanted to leave me, I had never seen it coming. I trusted him so much, that the thought NEVER crossed my mind that he would do it AGAIN! Especially as close as he is to the kids, he had to know the kids would not want anything to do with him. My kids held up our marriage as an example of what they wanted in a marriage~! hoo hoo boy howdy did he screw up.
But the worst part about this last affair (will be four years ago this July), was not that there was another woman, but that he said some truly hurtful things to me. He has since apoligized, which ok thank you for that. BUT he has never replaced the hurtful words with words of love. What I mean is this
He told me he never loved me, but that he was just waiting until the kids got old enough to accept it.
He told me that my whole past was a lie, and that he did not desire me, or look at me in the way a wife wants to be looked at.
He said so many things that shook me to my core, because I NEVER saw it coming. I remember, he said to me, "couldnt you tell I was miserable"? NO!!!!! I couldnt see it, I didnt see it.
Ok, so that little tid bit of my past is to set up what happened this weekend, and what is the basis for my post title.
My love languages are physical touch, and words of affirmation. so are his, which I found hard to believe at first lol. But anyway, I try all the time to give him those words that afirm him, and I touch him at least twice every day.....
So you would think that would satisfy at least my physical touch need. But here is the thing, when I hug him, I am takingmy love from him, he is not giving it to me. Just like our intimate life, He never says NO, but if he doesnt initiate, is it just disinterest? Or what. and the OR WHAT is what drives me nuts. completely out of my mind.
Yesterday, I poured out my heart to Handsome, crying showing how hurt and broken I was feeling about a certain situation. I got a mild hug to make me feel better, no more than you would give a friend. About thirty minutes later, still feeling crappy and somewhat weepy, I went to him, wanting him to hold and hug me, and tell me he loved me, things I would just naturally do if I saw someone I LOVED in pain.
He put his hands on my shoulders and said "what?"
WHAT?~!! what on earth do you mean WHAT?
Here is longtime wife, standing here CRYING, in obvious pain and you ask what ?
Why does he not see it? What do I do that I havent done? I have spoken these same words to him. Told him of my needs, spelled it out in the easiest man language, used word pictures for crying out loud. But still he does not get it.
Later in the day, he said to me (after I had pulled away emotionally, not cool I know, but I was crushed)
" I am not mad at you, so you shouldnt be mad at me" blink: blink:...head shakes blink blink
Wait a minute handsome, I am not mad either! But I didnt say that, I didnt say anything, because I was flabbergasted about what he said.
Because there was a family member at the house, and it was an important day in our household, I opted to not say anything about it. But in my prayer time this morning, God poked me and said, you need to again tell him, because he does not get it. So I sent him an email, and I told him, that it seems he equates any emotion that is not happy as anger. And that at no point in the day was I angry.. I WAS sad, incredibly sad. The difference is huge!!! But he only sees this stuff as anger, which shuts him down.
But does it count if I ALWAYS have to tell him that he is hurting me. I dont think so. Again in my talk with God, he told me that I need to stop putting my expectations on someone else, that I need to find my worth in Him alone. And boy do I strive to do that. But I still know that my husband broke me with his last affair, and he is the glue I need to put me back together stronger than before. But he has not applied any glue to me, he picks me up, puts the pieces together, then lets go before he glues them. Then I fall apart again.
One " I love you" with out me having to say it first, one hug that I did not initiate.
One time tell me that you cant wait till we go to bed tonight.
One time..................
I adore and love this man,what do I do to lower my expectations?
Struggle on, look to the Lord to fill the deep hole that is my love bank.
Peace dear reader(s)
The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages was a book that revolutionized the way I see how to help my partner feel loved. And we are workin on Handsome learning how important they are, so that he will start using those skill on me. If you can, go online, look up the 5 Love Language test, and take it, it may surprise you, or you may say " Oh I already knew that...". But I will say, in thirty years together, I would NEVER have thought that Handsomes primary love language is touch. I figured he was a words of affirmation, and he is, but his most important love language is personal touch. So I make it a point to hug him, pinch his butt ( my very most favorite part) or just give him a quick back rub. I have always given him words of affirmation, because that is one of my love languages, and I know how important that is.
But here is a funny thing I found out. I knew I was a physical touch person, but in reading the book that goes along with the "test" I realized that many many times, I reach out physically to Handsome in order to fulfill my need to be touched. Then I started observing us. He gives me very little physical touch, that is not related to me touching him first. He will touch me, in response to a touch, but very seldom does he initiate the touch. I take what I crave from him, but it is not a substatution for unsolicited loving touch.
And I hear this from so very many women. My husband loves me, I know that, but why doesnt he tell me. If you ask him, he will say, "of course I love you, you know that". To them, the action of caring for you, providing for you, ect, that should show you how much you are loved. To us, a word of love will be carried around with us for days, he loves me! Oh joy, he really really loves me!
You know what folks, talk to him, tell him. My Handsome had no clue. REALLY, no clue. Why you may ask, is he a selfish pig? No. He just doesnt live inside of an emotional world. He knows he loves me, he thinks he shows it every day, why does he have to vocalize it too, sheesh. (this is him thinking) But the other weekend, when I said I finally broke down and told him, "Hey, (me, starts with tears, he cannot stand tears) I am feeling un loved. REALLY really unloved. Handsome gives me a hug, then says, "you KNOW I love you,?" Well yes, my rational mind says yes he loves me, he is still here right? But my love tank is empty. And I need it to feel happy, to make my family happy, to care for us all, as well as myself.
All week, Handsome has talked sweetly, made sure that I knew he indeed does love me, he was happy to make me happy, because as he said, he had no idea how I was feeling.
So anyone who is reading this, (HI) go and google 5 love languages, take the test. If you can, comment on your results, and whether they were a surprise to you, or you knew that about yourself. Then, shoot an email to your spouse, aske them to take it, and then share the results, it will open a great avenue for discussion of needs in a marriage,
And who knows, you may be able to totally fulfill your spouses needs, now that you have a clue of what they are.
Peace friends....
Next time, physical touch
But here is a funny thing I found out. I knew I was a physical touch person, but in reading the book that goes along with the "test" I realized that many many times, I reach out physically to Handsome in order to fulfill my need to be touched. Then I started observing us. He gives me very little physical touch, that is not related to me touching him first. He will touch me, in response to a touch, but very seldom does he initiate the touch. I take what I crave from him, but it is not a substatution for unsolicited loving touch.
And I hear this from so very many women. My husband loves me, I know that, but why doesnt he tell me. If you ask him, he will say, "of course I love you, you know that". To them, the action of caring for you, providing for you, ect, that should show you how much you are loved. To us, a word of love will be carried around with us for days, he loves me! Oh joy, he really really loves me!
You know what folks, talk to him, tell him. My Handsome had no clue. REALLY, no clue. Why you may ask, is he a selfish pig? No. He just doesnt live inside of an emotional world. He knows he loves me, he thinks he shows it every day, why does he have to vocalize it too, sheesh. (this is him thinking) But the other weekend, when I said I finally broke down and told him, "Hey, (me, starts with tears, he cannot stand tears) I am feeling un loved. REALLY really unloved. Handsome gives me a hug, then says, "you KNOW I love you,?" Well yes, my rational mind says yes he loves me, he is still here right? But my love tank is empty. And I need it to feel happy, to make my family happy, to care for us all, as well as myself.
All week, Handsome has talked sweetly, made sure that I knew he indeed does love me, he was happy to make me happy, because as he said, he had no idea how I was feeling.
So anyone who is reading this, (HI) go and google 5 love languages, take the test. If you can, comment on your results, and whether they were a surprise to you, or you knew that about yourself. Then, shoot an email to your spouse, aske them to take it, and then share the results, it will open a great avenue for discussion of needs in a marriage,
And who knows, you may be able to totally fulfill your spouses needs, now that you have a clue of what they are.
Peace friends....
Next time, physical touch
I hope my ramblings will help someone
I hope the one or two people will hang with me until I get the hang of this, and gain my voice.
I hope that maybe another longtime wife will understand some of the feelings I feel, and see themselves in our trials, and our triumphs. Because there have been many triumphs. I do not want anyone to vilify Handsome Husband because of his past. I only bring up our past, because it was part of changing the direction of our marriage. I also am bringing up past hurts, but not reliving past happy times.
But, if anyone out there is indeed reading this, then, hang with me. Because my story, although evolving every day, is relatively long, 30 plus years long. I promise not to dwell in the past too terribly much, but only enough to set the stage for our current and future together.
So let me leave here today with an encouraging thing that happened over the weekend. I think reliving some of the hurts, big hurts in my marriage brought up some issues that I have had revolving in my head. One thing I learned in these years, that we were not communicating, at all, on any level that was intimate. We never felt we could say to the other one, "listen, this is bothering me, and it is not a bad thing, if we work together to work it out." It is only bad if we cannot or choose to not change it. for so many years, both of us, when the other tried to tell them something was bothering them, we would automatically revert to a defensive mode, thinking the other person was attacking them in some way. We are slowly realizing that what we are doing is trying to fix something that may not be working the way we are doing it. That it is not a fault of the other, but that we recognize something is not working in the way we are doing it, so lets communicate that, and how to change it.
Well, guess what dear reader, or readers!!!
IT WORKED!
Because of recent events, which I will eventually explain, I had been feeling unloved. Handsome is not a big talker, and one of the things we did in our effort to restructure how our marriage works was agree to listen to each other fully and respond only after thinking thru the answer. We also read the 5 Love Languages book. That book, if you are married, should be mandatory reading for everyone. In it, we learned that my husband is a words of affirmation person and physical touch, and so was I. I would never have guessed physical touch, although I knew from experience that he blossomed if you affirmed him (doesnt everyone though?)
I explained that I was feeling neglected in my love language areas, and as a result, I was not feeling loved. Well what did Handsome do all weekend? He came up behind me, hugged me, told me he loved me, massaged my back.
He Listened and HEARD me. And did not shut down because he thought I was mad at him.
I will talk more about the 5 Love Languages as we move on, because the impact on me and my life was amazing.
Thank you again, if you are reading my words, and if you hang around until I find voice.
I hope that some of what I say will resonate with you.
Blessings
Longtime
I hope that maybe another longtime wife will understand some of the feelings I feel, and see themselves in our trials, and our triumphs. Because there have been many triumphs. I do not want anyone to vilify Handsome Husband because of his past. I only bring up our past, because it was part of changing the direction of our marriage. I also am bringing up past hurts, but not reliving past happy times.
But, if anyone out there is indeed reading this, then, hang with me. Because my story, although evolving every day, is relatively long, 30 plus years long. I promise not to dwell in the past too terribly much, but only enough to set the stage for our current and future together.
So let me leave here today with an encouraging thing that happened over the weekend. I think reliving some of the hurts, big hurts in my marriage brought up some issues that I have had revolving in my head. One thing I learned in these years, that we were not communicating, at all, on any level that was intimate. We never felt we could say to the other one, "listen, this is bothering me, and it is not a bad thing, if we work together to work it out." It is only bad if we cannot or choose to not change it. for so many years, both of us, when the other tried to tell them something was bothering them, we would automatically revert to a defensive mode, thinking the other person was attacking them in some way. We are slowly realizing that what we are doing is trying to fix something that may not be working the way we are doing it. That it is not a fault of the other, but that we recognize something is not working in the way we are doing it, so lets communicate that, and how to change it.
Well, guess what dear reader, or readers!!!
IT WORKED!
Because of recent events, which I will eventually explain, I had been feeling unloved. Handsome is not a big talker, and one of the things we did in our effort to restructure how our marriage works was agree to listen to each other fully and respond only after thinking thru the answer. We also read the 5 Love Languages book. That book, if you are married, should be mandatory reading for everyone. In it, we learned that my husband is a words of affirmation person and physical touch, and so was I. I would never have guessed physical touch, although I knew from experience that he blossomed if you affirmed him (doesnt everyone though?)
I explained that I was feeling neglected in my love language areas, and as a result, I was not feeling loved. Well what did Handsome do all weekend? He came up behind me, hugged me, told me he loved me, massaged my back.
He Listened and HEARD me. And did not shut down because he thought I was mad at him.
I will talk more about the 5 Love Languages as we move on, because the impact on me and my life was amazing.
Thank you again, if you are reading my words, and if you hang around until I find voice.
I hope that some of what I say will resonate with you.
Blessings
Longtime
Time to condense and get to the present
So, this story leaves off with Handsome wanting to kill someone, because although he didnt want me, he did not want someone else to want me either.
We actually divorced, it became final a week before Handsome asked me to please come back. Yeah. At this point in the story, I had a man I had become involved with, my son was finally used to not having his dad and mom together. After I had made the adjustment and decided I was happy again. Then, he decides that maybe he made a mistake.
Long story short, 2 years after he first left me, a week after our divorce was final, I was moving back into my husbands home.
I am a devout Christian, and there were some people who were praying for this to happen. I would laugh and say you are crazy, we are OVER. But I have come to learn that Gods plans, are sometimes way way different than ours!!
So let me just wrap up this first few years of our marriage and subsequent split. Our life took so many twists and turns that bring us to the current state of affairs in our marriage. Some good, some bad, some sad, and some fun.
I hope that I can amuse you, and that maybe you may see that problems are in your marriage, and see a way to work those things out.
Peace all.
We actually divorced, it became final a week before Handsome asked me to please come back. Yeah. At this point in the story, I had a man I had become involved with, my son was finally used to not having his dad and mom together. After I had made the adjustment and decided I was happy again. Then, he decides that maybe he made a mistake.
Long story short, 2 years after he first left me, a week after our divorce was final, I was moving back into my husbands home.
I am a devout Christian, and there were some people who were praying for this to happen. I would laugh and say you are crazy, we are OVER. But I have come to learn that Gods plans, are sometimes way way different than ours!!
So let me just wrap up this first few years of our marriage and subsequent split. Our life took so many twists and turns that bring us to the current state of affairs in our marriage. Some good, some bad, some sad, and some fun.
I hope that I can amuse you, and that maybe you may see that problems are in your marriage, and see a way to work those things out.
Peace all.
todays going on
I know this is somewhat all over the place. I am trying to find my voice in this big bad blogosphere. I have a story to tell. I truly think that someone out there will have had my experience,or similar. I cant be the only one who thinks these thoughts, or who have had a husband act badly.
And he did act badly. (come back to the past with me please).
Last time we established my husband was a total jerk, and I decided that maybe I was not a waste of human life, but maybe someone else would find me to be a catch.
So I did what all insecure, single ish women do, I went to the bar and looked for a man. LOL. Now trust me when I say this, do. not. go . to a. bar. to. meet. men.
Did you get that, the bar is full of drunk men, who are just looking for fun. And although I would have been good for my self esteem, (look at all those men staring at me) they were losers, and if I was going to find another man, then I was going to find a WINNER.
So I went on a date. Funny thing happened when I got home, I found my fifty five gallon fish tank busted,and all my fish dead on the floor. I thought I had been broken into. I was appalled and scared. I called the police, because I had no idea what happened! They then realized, that there was no forced entry, that whoever did this, had to have had a key. I knew there was nobody other than Handsome and I who have a key. HMM?
So I call Handsome and say oh my someone broke in, but they used a key. Would you, Handsome, have a clue as to who this could be? You betcha he did! It was him, Handsome himself that did that. Why you ask? Get ready to laugh, he did it because I was out on a date. Yes you read that correctly, I was on a date. Now lets all remember why he left his supposedly happy marriage? Think back, I will wait.
OH YEAH! HE LEFT FOR ANOTHER WOMAN! HAHAHA
So answer me dear reader, how on earth could he come in here and be jealous?
It is funny how a mans mind works sometimes. Handsome was fine with leaving for someone other than his wife, but do NOT let another man come sniffing around her, oh no, that we cannot have. How funny is that? In his mind it sounded like this "I may not want her but dang it, NOBODY else will have her or my son either" ar ar ar....
We had some battles over this, but really you can picture it in your head I am sure. It was a turning point in my recovery from what he had done to me. I realized that others find me attractive, and Handsome must still have feelings for me. This gave me power, and a sense of strength that I did not have.
There is much more to this story, and it will unfold in the next few days.
I realize some will not care about this, and that is ok. I have wanted to tell this story my way for many many years. If nobody in the world reads it, that is ok, because I will finally after all these years, have a place to put it, and place to be completely honest with myself about my now. But unfortunatly , there is no way to make sense of the current issues, without knowing what shaped this marriage. And let me tell you, we have had tons of shaping! Our current issues, wrap around our past, no matter who you may be.
Part three of Handsome Hubs was a real jerk tomorrow.
And he did act badly. (come back to the past with me please).
Last time we established my husband was a total jerk, and I decided that maybe I was not a waste of human life, but maybe someone else would find me to be a catch.
So I did what all insecure, single ish women do, I went to the bar and looked for a man. LOL. Now trust me when I say this, do. not. go . to a. bar. to. meet. men.
Did you get that, the bar is full of drunk men, who are just looking for fun. And although I would have been good for my self esteem, (look at all those men staring at me) they were losers, and if I was going to find another man, then I was going to find a WINNER.
So I went on a date. Funny thing happened when I got home, I found my fifty five gallon fish tank busted,and all my fish dead on the floor. I thought I had been broken into. I was appalled and scared. I called the police, because I had no idea what happened! They then realized, that there was no forced entry, that whoever did this, had to have had a key. I knew there was nobody other than Handsome and I who have a key. HMM?
So I call Handsome and say oh my someone broke in, but they used a key. Would you, Handsome, have a clue as to who this could be? You betcha he did! It was him, Handsome himself that did that. Why you ask? Get ready to laugh, he did it because I was out on a date. Yes you read that correctly, I was on a date. Now lets all remember why he left his supposedly happy marriage? Think back, I will wait.
OH YEAH! HE LEFT FOR ANOTHER WOMAN! HAHAHA
So answer me dear reader, how on earth could he come in here and be jealous?
It is funny how a mans mind works sometimes. Handsome was fine with leaving for someone other than his wife, but do NOT let another man come sniffing around her, oh no, that we cannot have. How funny is that? In his mind it sounded like this "I may not want her but dang it, NOBODY else will have her or my son either" ar ar ar....
We had some battles over this, but really you can picture it in your head I am sure. It was a turning point in my recovery from what he had done to me. I realized that others find me attractive, and Handsome must still have feelings for me. This gave me power, and a sense of strength that I did not have.
There is much more to this story, and it will unfold in the next few days.
I realize some will not care about this, and that is ok. I have wanted to tell this story my way for many many years. If nobody in the world reads it, that is ok, because I will finally after all these years, have a place to put it, and place to be completely honest with myself about my now. But unfortunatly , there is no way to make sense of the current issues, without knowing what shaped this marriage. And let me tell you, we have had tons of shaping! Our current issues, wrap around our past, no matter who you may be.
Part three of Handsome Hubs was a real jerk tomorrow.
wow
So, I had 43 views. How many of you are longtime wives? I figure I should give some background. My husband and I met when I was sixteen and he was eighteen. We went on dates that my dad did not know about, because handsome husband had a motorcycle,(still does). We did not tell my parents about that for ten years at least lol.
Anyway, we had ups and downs, we would break up, and reunite. Then, I got pregnant. Handsome hubby asked me to marry him, and I did, at 8 months pregnant. We were so young, although at the time, you would not have gotten us to admit that! We had a beautiful baby boy, who changed our world. We were young and trying to navigate in the world of "grown ups". Working and caring for a baby. My husband worked as a manager at the time at a major auto parts retailer, and was working almost every hour the store was open. I was trying to work, and care for a baby, basically alone, as my handsome man was always working. I also as a young wife and mother, did not realize that you can easily ignore your husband when a baby comes along, I was never told to make sure I did not become only a mom, but continue to be a wife to my husband. As a result, my husband got involved with a girl from work.
The devastation to me was almost too much to bear. At first, he said he just didn't love me anymore. And at first I bought this. I put all the blame on me, and tortured myself for neglecting my husband. It is a very long story, one I may tell in more detail down the road, but my handsome hubby left me and my then 2 year old son. Actually, he didn't leave, he asked me to leave. And like a fool I did.
Now the name of the blog is adventures of a longtime wife, so we know how this story eventually ends. But how the story unfolded was a trial that took me from being an immature young mother, to an adult who proved she can handle adversity.
When one person finds out that their beloved, whom they trusted completely, has broken their trust in such a horrific way, well it creates such emotional turmoil that phyciatrists compare the stress to the death of a spouse. I could not eat or sleep, I barely functioned for six months. Then, something happened that brought me up out of the muck of my despair. A man flirted with me. Yup, a man, other than my handsome husband, flirted with me. That moment, I realized that I was still desirable as a woman. That other men might find me attractive, that I was worth a second look. This did tremendous things for me. So the natural next step, lets go on a date~!
EEEK. Dating.
I will get into that next time....
if you visit, let me know. If anything I say resonates with you, let me know. For right now, I want to get my backstory established so you dear reader, have an idea of where I come from with my current thoughts. Because my current thinking was very much shaped by past events.
So thank you again for your visit.
Part two of my story tomorrow.
Anyway, we had ups and downs, we would break up, and reunite. Then, I got pregnant. Handsome hubby asked me to marry him, and I did, at 8 months pregnant. We were so young, although at the time, you would not have gotten us to admit that! We had a beautiful baby boy, who changed our world. We were young and trying to navigate in the world of "grown ups". Working and caring for a baby. My husband worked as a manager at the time at a major auto parts retailer, and was working almost every hour the store was open. I was trying to work, and care for a baby, basically alone, as my handsome man was always working. I also as a young wife and mother, did not realize that you can easily ignore your husband when a baby comes along, I was never told to make sure I did not become only a mom, but continue to be a wife to my husband. As a result, my husband got involved with a girl from work.
The devastation to me was almost too much to bear. At first, he said he just didn't love me anymore. And at first I bought this. I put all the blame on me, and tortured myself for neglecting my husband. It is a very long story, one I may tell in more detail down the road, but my handsome hubby left me and my then 2 year old son. Actually, he didn't leave, he asked me to leave. And like a fool I did.
Now the name of the blog is adventures of a longtime wife, so we know how this story eventually ends. But how the story unfolded was a trial that took me from being an immature young mother, to an adult who proved she can handle adversity.
When one person finds out that their beloved, whom they trusted completely, has broken their trust in such a horrific way, well it creates such emotional turmoil that phyciatrists compare the stress to the death of a spouse. I could not eat or sleep, I barely functioned for six months. Then, something happened that brought me up out of the muck of my despair. A man flirted with me. Yup, a man, other than my handsome husband, flirted with me. That moment, I realized that I was still desirable as a woman. That other men might find me attractive, that I was worth a second look. This did tremendous things for me. So the natural next step, lets go on a date~!
EEEK. Dating.
I will get into that next time....
if you visit, let me know. If anything I say resonates with you, let me know. For right now, I want to get my backstory established so you dear reader, have an idea of where I come from with my current thoughts. Because my current thinking was very much shaped by past events.
So thank you again for your visit.
Part two of my story tomorrow.
I am a longtime wife. I met my husband when I was sixteen years old. I can safely say, had either of my children said they met their soul mate at 16 I would tell them they are crazy. Go out, see the world, enjoy your youth, do not tie yourself down to one person. But, they would say, you and Dad are so happy together after all this time, why would you counsel against it.
Why dear children? Because it is so hard some days. Your father has struggled many times with wondering if this is really what he wants, or is he with me because it is familiar, and what he should be doing. This is what is expected of us.
I struggle now as well, am I happy with this man? Is he still capable of making me happy? Does he still want to even try. Do I? I love him dearly, with all my heart. But am I getting loved in return? The way I want to? Or the way I need to according to my love languages? No, no not really.
I will go on to explain this in the coming days.
Do you love your husband, longtime wife? Oh yes, yes I do.
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