I hope my ramblings will help someone

I hope the one or two people will hang with me until I get the hang of this, and gain my voice.

I hope that maybe another longtime wife will understand some of the feelings I feel, and see themselves in our trials, and our triumphs.  Because there have been many triumphs.  I do not want anyone to vilify Handsome Husband because of his past.  I only bring up our past, because it was part of changing the direction of our marriage. I also am bringing up past hurts, but not reliving past happy times.

But, if anyone out there is indeed reading this, then, hang with me. Because my story, although evolving every day, is relatively long, 30 plus years long. I promise not to dwell in the past too terribly much, but only enough to set the stage for our current and future together.

So let me leave here today with an encouraging thing that happened over the weekend.  I think reliving some of the hurts, big hurts in my marriage brought up some issues that I have had revolving in my head.  One thing I learned in these years, that we were not communicating, at all, on any level that was intimate.  We never felt we could say to the other one, "listen, this is bothering me, and it is not a bad thing, if we work together to work it out."  It is only bad if we cannot or choose to not change it. for so many years, both of us, when the other tried to tell them something was bothering them, we would automatically revert to a defensive mode, thinking the other person was attacking them in some way.  We are slowly realizing that what we are doing is trying to fix something that may not be working the way we are doing it. That it is not a fault of the other, but that we recognize something is not working in the way we are doing it, so lets communicate that, and how to change it.  

Well, guess what dear reader, or readers!!!
IT WORKED!
Because of recent events, which I will eventually explain, I had been feeling unloved.  Handsome is not a big talker, and one of the things we did in our effort to restructure how our marriage works was agree to listen to each other fully and respond only after thinking thru the answer.  We also read the 5 Love Languages book.  That book, if you are married, should be mandatory reading for everyone.  In it, we learned that my husband is a words of affirmation person and physical touch, and so was I.  I would never have guessed physical touch, although I knew from experience that he blossomed if you affirmed him (doesnt everyone though?)

I explained that I was feeling neglected in my love language areas, and as a result, I was not feeling loved.  Well what did Handsome do all weekend?  He came up behind me, hugged me, told me he loved me, massaged my back.
He Listened and HEARD me.  And did not shut down because he thought I was mad at him.

I will talk more about the 5 Love Languages as we move on, because the impact on me and my life was amazing.

Thank you again, if you are reading my words, and if you hang around until I find voice.
I hope that some of what I say will resonate with you.
Blessings
Longtime