A long weekend

Hello there!
This weekend was a long one, but a good one.  I still have not talked to Handsome about church.  I am not sure how or when to bring it up, but I have to.  I cannot, nor will I tell him he needs to come.  The only one that can do that is God.  But I can get to the bottom of why he is doing this.

I hate the fear that comes with the prospect of him answering me in a way that I will not be happy with, and honestly, I am not going to be happy with any answer.  But the fear comes in because the last time he stopped coming to church, he could not face God in his sin. (the EA emotional affair) He was ashamed of showing his face to people who loved the Lord. My worry stems from that time, I wonder why is he withdrawing?  I did not see the signs the last time, so now I am hypersensitive to any change, and I try to see things I may have missed.  I have looked so hard at this, my head hurts.  I see no evidence of anything going on.  I am insecure, but that is my new normal I think. So what I need to do is talk.  Just ask him. What I need to try to make him see is that by staying away, more people question and ask "where is Handsome"?
How do I answer? I cant lie, but it is hard to say, oh he thinks people here do not like him anymore. So I just come in and hope for the best.

As for the crazy insecurities, I know that the enemy plants these ugly thoughts in my head, but I hear them none the less. I pray for the steps to be taken that will help me to feel less insecure, but they do not happen. But then I remember, nothing in Gods plan is in my time, but His. So I wait.  I wait for Handsome to be convicted of the fact that he holds the keys to my security or insecurity.  I once told him that he broke me, it is up to him to help glue the pieces back together.  I thought that word picture would make an impact.  But it didn't not really. He says he feels funny or self conscious. I do not understand that.  I can tell him all day long nice things, what on earth would make me self conscious?  Then this is where my mind takes a turn.  Well you would be self conscious or feel funny if what you were saying is a lie?  This is my thought process ever since then.  How do I get rid of that?  How do I get him to realize the importance of this to me. Ultimately, the hard truth is, I need him to be less selfish.  I never thought I would say that about him, as he is a warm giving man.  But in this situation, for whatever reason, he does not feel strongly enough to do what is needed.  So I wait.  I wait because God's timing is not my own.  I know God is listening, and I know that He wants our marriage to thrive, because if it doesnt, it means the evil one is winning, and that is not allowed to happen........
Peace dear reader..