I made a decision.

I decided after my last post concerning my husband not wanting to attend church anymore with me, that I would not mention it again to him.  I will continue to go, I will continue to pick up the person we pledged to pick up for church.  I will wait for the Holy Spirit to convict him again.

But I am also human, and I guess very selfish, and I do tend to not like people "talking" about me.  Because I work at this large church, I know very many people.  As does Handsome.  When we had our problem, he stopped attending church, because he felt shame being in the presence of God and Godly people.  Now remember, I never told anyone, except my boss, my prayer partner, and my accountability partner.  I had to tell my boss, as I was an emotional wreck, and they could all see it.  These three people, I trust implicitly.  If any people were talking it was because they kept asking me "where is Handsome?".  I just kept saying oh he is at a swap meet, or went this place or that.

Then one day I asked him if he wanted to go, and he said yes.  But I could tell that he was uncomfortable.  I believe he never really wanted to come back, but he did it for me.  What I think is that he never really got right with God.

I will not bother him to go, but I wish he understood that his absence is always missed by other people.  So many people come up to me, "hey where is Handsome?"  And then, what do I say. Oh he thinks people that used to like him don't anymore, or do I lie and say he has "so and so going on".
I do not want to lie about it, but I know how it was before, and I know how it will be now.  People have good intentions, but do not always use them.  

I am a control freak, and I do realize this, but I am going to let this one go.  I want so badly to have the best marriage possible in my later years.  I want us to grow and learn and to feel free and confident in each other.

I want this to be wonderful!